CANADIAN NEWCOMER 15

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again! Handling Failure & Rejection

10 min readSep 5, 2020

How to Fail (and still be OK)

As an Internationally-Educated Professional (IEP) and newcomer, you will have faced many obstacles on the path to Canada.

Getting here is by itself a great achievement.

It’s not easy. If you have made it here and are now establishing your new life in Canada, congratulations! You have achieved a big goal.

If you haven’t arrived yet, this article might be a helpful guide on what to expect after you arrive.

All entries in this series are available at the following links:

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

Goals

I think everyone/family has a similar checklist for their first year in Canada.

This was mine:

Find a place to live temporarily
Open a bank account and start building a credit score
Find a job(s)
Move somewhere close to the job(s)
Get a car (of course, only if you need one)

If you have kids, then you can add “Get your kids into school” too, although it is made a bit harder by COVID.

These first steps don’t seem so big, by themselves. Probably you had done all of these things in your previous country, without thinking too much about it. But starting afresh in Canada is different.

Why?

Because here your history counts A LOT with banks, insurers, employers, landlords…

And you are starting from zero.

So once you land here, and get those first 5 (or 6) goals checked off, it is time to put your heads down, work hard, and hope you can:

Build your tenant history enough = move into nicer homes
Improve your finances = your credit scores rise
Have access to financial tools that all Canadians do = save money
Build a driving history in Canada = lower insurance costs

And repeat!

Of course it is easy to write about doing these things, like finding a job or an apartment. But everyone would know that in reality, it isn’t a smooth process.

What is Failure?

I believe we all know failure, and have experienced it in some way every day, big or small. A missed bus, an unsuccessful job interview, a low score on a test. A rejected loan application, someone else getting that apartment you wanted, asking someone on a date and getting a “No” in reply. It feels like you are stuck in a maze. You might even feel like you have trapped your friends or family members in the maze with you.

Failure feels like rejection.

It hurts.

Being rejected makes YOU feel like you let yourself down, or let down your family/friends/coworkers…

For most people, feeling like a failure can push you back, can dent your confidence, can stop you in your tracks.

It can send you into a negative spiral, and I’d like for you to avoid that.

There are ways to handle failure as a newcomer in Canada. I’d like to share some tips and tools that have helped me over the last year here.

Stay Positive

The easiest thing to advise is also the toughest thing to do. A famous quote from old English writing is:

“The night is darkest before the dawn”

While not technically true, it is supposed to a metaphor that helps us not give up when everything seems bad. Here is a more contemporary version:

If you have just failed at something, maybe you don’t want to hear the cliches that “everything happens for a reason” or “something better is around the corner”.

But we have cliches for a reason; generally they are true.

Failure is actually okay as long as you react to it in the right way.
Failure is actually okay, as long as you don’t let it define you.

Failure is okay, if you learn from it and do something differently the next time.

That means you didn’t fail.
It means you learned.

And that’s how to get through to the other side.

What do I mean?

You are more than the job you didn’t get, or the college course that rejected you, or the test you just failed.

Investing a lot of time to prepare for a job interview that goes really well, but you never hear from them again
Studying for the big entrance exam (e.g. GMAT) for your college entry, then you didn’t score high enough
Applying for a work permit/visa for Canada, and not scoring enough points to do it the “easy way”

What do these examples all have in common?

What you did next.

For example in the situation of an Interview & then Silence:

If you felt like you rocked the interview? If you asked great questions and got all smiles at the end? If they said “We’ll get back to you within 1 week”? That all makes you feel like you succeeded, right? You did the best you could. Be proud of your preparation and your efforts.

But then nothing.

Why..?

It’s not great. There’s no closure. So, you could:

a) Do Nothing. Be upset, confused, and keep thinking “What did I do wrong?”

b) Try and reach out to the hiring manager or HR of that company for feedback or follow-up

c) Accept things, & let it go

That company didn’t treat you right. They hired someone else, the position was withdrawn, their budget was re-allocated, they interviewed you just to check a box, they hired someone cheaper than you. It is probably nothing you did.

Answer ‘a’ is not healthy
Answer ‘b’ is helpful if they are willing to talk with you. Assess the situation, consider how they have communicated with you so far and decide if you want to keep asking for answers.
Answer ‘c’ is the best option here. Take a moment to accept the situation. If you really really wanted that job, then take a minute to grieve the loss of your dream/wish/desire, and then try to be ok with it

Standing up, dusting yourself down, and trying again are a huge reason behind many everyday things we now take for granted (e.g. Thomas Edison & the lightbulb).

Learn from history and think about what to do next. Make this a temporary setback, learn from it, and then get back up.

Find the Positives

In the worst-case, if you can’t let go, try to find a small win from your experience.

Maybe you failed an interview for your dream job. But you beat out how many other applicants to land the interview? Well done to you!

If you made contacts with one hiring manager who liked you, they might let you know about future opportunities, remember that now you have interview experience there for next time.

If you failed an entrance exam for a course or college, that doesn’t feel great. But! You should have received a score or report of some kind. Now you know your strengths and weaknesses. Work on the weaknesses and then try again.

Maybe your Express Entry application for Canada didn’t score enough points with the IRCC. Take it on board, see where the gaps were, and then figure out how to close those gaps.

How failure cultivates resilience

In his research for NASA, clinical psychologist Raphael Rose discovered that failure is key to creating resilience. He…

www.ted.com

When One Door Closes…

…Another one opens.

There is more than one way to reach your destination. There are other paths to get where you want to go.

For immigrating to Canada, if you can’t get PR, there are provincial nomination programs, or working holiday visas, or study visas. You can find another way here, and then jump to what you originally planned.

If your dream university rejected you, there are community college options (study elsewhere for 1–2 yrs, get your required credits, and then transfer to that university).

If your dream company rejected you, and they have been good about sharing the reasoning behind the decision, then take on board their feedback. Work on what they said you need to improve. Keep in touch with the recruiters/hiring manager you met. See it as a networking opportunity (that famous hidden job market & referral system- this might be a way in!).

If your start-up business failed, seriously assess what you did, how you prepared, and how you failed. Share with others. Get a mentor. Learn from it, and try again.

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

If your job was affected by COVID, and you are having trouble finding another one, consider how you are searching. Are you 100% focused on applying online? Are you networking & building your profile? Have you improved your skills since the last time you were looking for a job? Are you making a structured search, with time for mental health breaks, exercise, and occasional fun?

Don’t be consumed by your job search. Remember to live some life at the same time.

Online courses are becoming more and more available due to COVID. Spend some time every week to study, or work on a side project that you can grow new skills, strengthen existing skills, or show off/talk about. Have a great answer ready for that “So, what have you been doing recently?” question in your next interview!

Stay Optimistic

If you need to stop for a minute and take a break that’s ok. We can’t always keep moving and pretend like nothing happened when we have been rejected from something we wanted.

But remember that we do tend to attract what we put out into the world.

If all you see around you is failure, then that can cloud your feelings and slow you down, or make you withdraw. You might miss other opportunities.

But if you accept that failure is natural, if you can see only more opportunity, and keep moving forward, then you will be able to find more job openings, or academic courses.

I believe that if you can use your rejection as an “Oh well, onto the next” moment, instead of an “Oh no, life is over!” moment, then you will be okay.

The Key

Confidence.

You have skills and talent and value. You know it. You just maybe didn’t show it in the right way, or to the right person.

Remember that when you can’t see the road ahead, you can always turn around and see how far you have travelled to reach the spot you are standing in right now.

It’s impressive. You did it. You got yourself to “here”. Now take another step forward and work on getting to “there”. You can do it.

Summing Up

Immigrants to Canada go through a lot to get here. Unfortunately, a lot of what we go through is rejection and failure.

Being able to accept that things won’t always work out as we wish, remaining positive, and continuing to take forward steps are the most important qualities for going from “just surviving” to “thriving”.

If you feel like you failed at something, stop, step back, and recognise the achievement you made in just getting to the place you are standing in right now.

If you failed at something, try to understand why things happened the way they did, and figure out your next plan of attack.

Don’t let failure define you. Don’t let failure beat you.

Good luck!

NOTE: If you are struggling to handle your situation, professional help is available at places like CAMH. If you need professional help with your job search, try newcomer support agencies like ACCES or JVS (who also offer psychology support for newcomers with learning disabilities or other behavioural issues).

Who Am I?

Hello, I am Garry. Nice to meet you. Here is my LinkedIn profile. After 15yrs living in Japan, I moved to Canada in late 2019. Since I got here, I have learned a lot from friends, great mentors and advisors, pre- and post-arrival services, and good old-fashioned internet research! I would like to share that advice with you and help you on your journey here in Canada.

Also earlier this year I talked about some of these things in a LinkedIn article, and in a webinar with NewCanadians I discussed with some smart people about the newcomer’s job search and the impacts of COVID-19. Please check them out!